So here I was now, an ex-meat peddling headhunter for hi-tech salespeople in Big D. I'd been sitting in on interviews for a few weeks when they decided it was time to turn me loose on my own candidates. I was a little nervous, but feeling pretty confident that I could do this...establish a rapport, work from a script to get all the pertinent data, determine each candidate's "placeability", and then go to the appropriate corporate clients to get interviews set. Easy enough.
So the phone on my desk buzzed. It was the receptionist, Jilly. "Your 2 o'clock is here, honey," she cooed in her East Texas drawl.
"OK, I'll be right out." I took a deep breath, smoothed out my suit skirt, and walked out to greet the guy. There he sat, a dead ringer for Steve Buscemi, clad open-collared in brown polyester and vying with Mr. T in the gold chain department.
Great. This one would really fit in with the Dallas pin-stripe and Beemer crowd. But here he was, highly enthusiastic and hopeful, and so what else could I do but hear his story.
After the mandatory small talk about his experience and expertise in mobile home sales, I started in on the script.
"Vinnie, I'm going to ask you some questions that will help prepare you for the things you'll be asked in interviews, OK? First, If you were asked to name your three greatest strengths, how would you answer?"
"That's easy," he responded immediately. "I'm a great dresser."
"Ooookaaayyyy...a great dresser." I commented and made another note on my legal pad. "What else?"
"Uhhhhh, well, let's see. Uh, well, uh, I guess I would say that I'm very foregoing."
"Ahhhh, foregoing." Wrote that down, too. "And number 3?
"Hmmmmm... Oh! I know! I would say I have an auxiliary vocabulary."
Was this for real? What, was this guy carrying a thesaurus in his back pocket? I couldn't believe what I was hearing!
"Okay, then." I put down my pencil, asked a few more perfunctory questions, then stood up and gave him my best smile, a hardy handshake, and a short "don't call us, we'll call you" schpiel. I guess I was going to have to learn to better qualify these folks before I brought them in. Meat of the human variety would be more of a challenge, for sure.
The minute he was gone, my phone buzzed. It was Jilly again.
"How'd THAT go, honey?" She chuckled.
"I won't honor that with a response," I answered.
"Okay, but I just heard on the news that the traffic is horrible going home. A semi went over with a load of cows and they're running loose all over the tollway. You better take Preston Road home this afternoon."
"Wonderful," I answered, just as the boss, Georgina Starlington, stepped into my office. "Good interview?" she wanted to know, with a slight smirk and one eyebrow raised.
"Interview went fine. Not exactly the MPC (Most Placeable Candidate) of the week, though. Better luck next time. Right now I'm more worried about traffic heading home."
Suddenly there was a shriek from Jilly. "Y'all come quick!"
Georgie and I quickly walked into the next office. There was Jilly bending over in her red stillettos, her long legs showing off the jasmine tattoo that vined from her ankle all the way up into parts unknown. She was bending over, peering out the wall of windows. "Y'all come see thee-is!"
We walked over to the plate glass and peered down over the North Dallas Tollway. Sure enough, that semi had breeched the retaining wall and there were about 30 head of Herefords running southbound down the northbound lane. Also some had made there way onto our side of the wall and now 5 or six more were in the parking lot of our high rise, one now drinking from the tiled fountain full of koi! For sure I would need to find an alternate route to the suburbs this afternoon!
Didn't I say earlier that the Meat business could always present a challenge?
